One night I fell soundly asleep next to my lover on freshly washed blue sheets. Well after what felt like midnight, I woke up, but only halfway. I found myself in the hypnagogic middle-world in between sleep and awake. I was very calm and observant. I remembered exercises I had performed in some years past in attempts to leave my body and astral travel.
In those exercises, we would allow our body to become very relaxed and fall almost asleep, but remain alert as the body shut down to rest. Then, without moving the body, we would focus only our eyes on the corner of the ceiling, or with eyes closed, begin to feel ourselves astrally lift out of our bodies by using our astral arms to pull us up out of our bodies using a rope we visioned in the corner of the ceiling.
Lying in bed now in a quiet state I began to feel the pulling up sensation. Suddenly my heart was racing very heavily in my chest and it felt as if all my surroundings became a whirring pool of cool feathered air and I felt lightheaded. Faster and faster the room was whirring and my heart was thudding inside my lungs. My body felt lighter and lighter, falling away and up I pulled out of myself. Like plunging up out of muffled water into air and bright sunlight.
I was this silky slip of energy looking down on my sleeping body. All the sudden I looked very strange to myself lying there. Now that I was out of me, my body seemed...other. My life in that body seemed much less dramatic and complicated. I felt like a long deep sigh.
Next to my body was my lover. Within his body I felt him gazing up at me and with a thought, I pulled him out into the room. I can hardly describe being with him like this other than to say he was the energy of the purest sweet spring water and very noble and simple. But also with innocence.
The trip is knowing that this memory fragment is like a nesting doll. One nested within the next and from the beginning of the story the "I" was already the "we" I now describe.
Fall into a puddle
an elastic bag of light
drop farther and farther
into the opposite of that which
we will become
in an electrical storm
magnificent and seemingly eternal
we listen to the echoes
of the soft beating of
dipped in paint
gliding through a turquoise forever
hitting the roof of the bottom
of the puddle
a liquid net holds you
like a jeweled aquatic womb
released by resistance
in another direction of
gridded star systems
recorded invisibly in the
fingerprints of the hand
of the body you just left
Why must I be there?
I ask, desperately
drunk in the awareness
of the everythingness
Because you love this pinpoint
that you are
and you forget it is only one
stroke of the picture
As this combined entity, I feel the awareness that "I" is the same point for everyone. It sits in the middle of my forehead. I remember earlier, in a dream where there was a tonight and I was divided into two bodies asleep side by side, on blue sheets, separating me from the whole of my own thoughts, feelings, experiences. Now I am aware of all that I have been in every body. These gateways. These journeys. These vessels. These plugins of God into the infinite God-experience.
Bowing, a golden phoenix, wings covered with eyes, splayed. So complex it's nauseating...something's fragmenting, so many eyes, set in gold...something here is disintegrating....disoriented. Millions of eyes in the sharpest focus. The phoenix bowing and bowing, lower and lower, eaten by flames. With each eye still piercing, lower and lower, burning...something is flickering in and out...
Suddenly I'm being poured into something. A mold. I look down at myself, on blue sheets, your body beside me. Lying in our bedroom. I'm panting as I return. Turning to my lover, you don't remember. Yet, your eyes.
They peer through the darkness, set in gold wings.